My heart is heavy as I sit here staring at this long list of things that need to be done. The sink has dirty dishes, there's a pile of laundry calling my name and yet i find myself in need of the strength to just breathe.
Lately life has gotten the best of me and it doesn't seem to be getting any brighter. I realize I need to write, so here I sit, getting ready to share a really personal part of our life. About a month ago my husband and i were involved in a car accident that left us banged up and our car totaled. We were on our way to the local target when a driver turned in front of us and we had no time to stop. I don't remember anything about the wreck until a kind lady crawled into the back seat and placed her hands on my neck, telling me not to move. The car was filled with smoke, my husband was yelling at me to breathe and stay calm, and the kind lady behind me told me not to move a inch. A person at the scene had talked 911 and an ambulance was on it's way. There was pain shooting down my back, my head was pounding and i couldn't breathe. I was trying to stay calm but then i started panicking when i realized that my baby could be in serious danger. I started crying and trying to move, and the lady holding my neck was holding me as still as she could while the EMT men were trying to get my door open. A few seconds later, a guy was telling me to stay calm, and that i needed to relax or else things would just get worse. They placed a neck brace on me, moved me to a stretcher and whisked me away to the ambulance. My husband climbed in beside me, and we headed to the local emergency room. I had some aches and pains, and the er doctor checked on the baby and all seemed well. A few hours later, we were released and my mom picked us up and drove us home.
Once we had gotten home, we laid in bed, trying not to move since we were in so much pain, when all of a sudden i lost a lot of fluid and i panicked. I told my husband and he called my mom and we tried of figure out what to do. She called the er doctor, and my ob-gyn and they said not to worry that everything was fine. I tried to relax and stay calm, when all of a sudden, more fluid. I didn't panic as much this time, but it still made me uneasy. We slowly recovered over the next few days, and soon life was back to normal. Everything seemed fine with baby Kuefler and we couldn't wait to our 18 week appointment to find out what he/she was. On the morning of our appointment, we headed into the Drs office, and waited for our name to be called. A few minutes later, I was laying on the bed seconds away from finding out what my child was when the ultrasound tech said that my fluid was really low and he was concerned about the baby. I started to worry thinking that something was terribly wrong, but since he was the Dr he couldn't tell me much other that it wasn't good and it could mean that i'd be placed on bed rest. We thanked him and patiently to see our Dr. Once we started talking to her, she said she didn't think it was a huge deal but since i was worried she recommended I go to a specialist a few hours away to get a second opinion. I thanked her and made the appointment for the following Monday morning.
The weekend went by slow but it was finally Monday and we headed to our appointment with the specialist. My mom came with me since my husband had to work, and while we waited in the waiting room, she prayed that all would be well. Finally our name was called and we walked back into one of the rooms. The ultrasound tech started doing measurements and taking pictures and wasn't really saying much. She finally said she needed to get the Dr and she walked out. A few minutes later the Dr came in and he started asking questions, about the pregnancy, the wreck and just life in general. Once i started telling him about the wreck, he asked a bunch of different questions and if i had some tests and shots to which i replied with no, i hadn't had any tests or shots. He started to seem a little worried the more he asked and the more i said no; and that only caused me to worry that much more. During the ultrasound, he found some fluid in her brain and told me that the fluid around the baby was dangerously low. He told me he was gonna order a blood work test for me and that i needed to come back in three weeks to see how things were. He told me that her lungs were small and that she may not live long after shes born...or that there is a chance she could be still born. I tried my hardest not to cry but it was really hard. This was supposed to be a simple drs appointment and the worst news i was supposed to get was that i'd be on bed rest. I walked out and made the appointment for the next visit and we headed home. I had the blood work done and we waited for the results, which came back good. The results being good gave me some hope that all might not be lost, and that she still had a chance.
Fast forward three weeks and my husband and i headed back to the specialist hoping to get good news since i was caught up on the shots i needed, and my blood work and came back good. The news we got was far from what we thought we'd get. We found out that the fluid still wasn't good, there is 2-3cm when there should be 9-12cm, I had a test done and we found out that during the car wreck something had ruptured and that means that my body cannot hold the fluid that the baby needs to grow. We also found out that not only within the next month I will be hospitalized until I go into labor (my due date is between November 29 - December 9)...but also that I can do into labor at any moment and that if she does comes within the month, she will not make it. If she comes after the next month, she has a 50% chance of survival. Getting all this news within the past month has made my heart so very heavy. Its been a challenge for my faith and for my marriage. We're learning how to stay connected with each other when times get hard, how to support each other and be there for one another. We have one month to pray that my body will naturally heal itself. There is a blessing inside me, half my husband and half me, and I know that our God is strong and i believe that miracles do happen.