I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything but we've been soaking up every minute with Isla, plus we were sick and are slowly getting better. I hope to start posting more sometime soon but for now here's a birth story!
It's 1 am and I was laying in the hospital bed, tossing and turning. My husband was snoring contently in the bed next to me, trying to get as much sleep as he could before work. I noticed that something felts off and I realized I'm having contractions. They're nothing huge but I can definitely tell I'm having them. I rolled over, trying to get comfortable, thinking I could just sleep them off. I've had braxton hicks for the past month or two so I wasn't too worried. After about 30 minutes, I realized the pain is slowly getting worse, and I know I'm gonna need something to help with the pain. I call my nurse and ask for some Tylenol. I tell her that I'm having contractions and that they're the worst ones I've had..ever. She brings me some heat packs, and I promise to let her know if anything changes.
A few hours later I realize that nothing is helping with the pain, and I'm slowly starting to panic as tears start rolling down my face. It's too early for her to come, and I have a c.section scheduled for the following week. She can make it one more week. I call my nurse back in, and she suggests taking a Jacuzzi. At this point, I'm more than willing to try anything if it'll lessen the pain. I quietly tell my husband where i'm headed and slowly make my way down the hall to the tub. As I sink into the water, I start thinking that this could be it..that my daughter could be trying to make her way into the world. At the same time, I'm thinking there's no way she can come today! Its too early and she needs to stay in for another week..she can't come today. The water is relaxing but not helping with the pain so after about 20 minutes, I slowly make my way back towards my room. I climb into the bed, praying that the pain will go away, or at least lessen so I could sleep. I call my nurse back in, and tell her that I'm pretty sure I'm dying. She laughs and assures me that I am not dying. She decides to put me on the monitor, and to our surprise, the contractions are every 2-4 minutes and they're quite big. She decides to call the doctor who is on call at the time, and see what he wants to do.
I woke my husband up, letting him know that he may want to call into work since there's a chance this day could end up with us becoming parents. He didn't think so since this isn't the first time we've had that thought, but when the nurse came back in to check my cervix, he thought it may be a little different. Since I had no amniotic fluid, my cervix had never been checked since they didn't want to risk an infection. I was 1 cm and my cervix was at at 60%. My nurse recalled the Doctor, while I called my mom, who was supposed to go out of town, and let her know she may want to change her plans. She quickly came up to the hospital, with my grandma and dad shortly following.
My contractions were getting stronger by the minute, and I was walking, crying and breathing as much as I could, trying to stay as calm as I possibly could. I knew that if I started to panic, or worry that the baby would start to panic as well, and that could be life threatening for her. I'm pretty sure I sounded like a dying cow. It's hard to breathe when there's so much pain. My nurse returns and lets me know that my doctor is on her way in, and they're gonna get an IV ready just in case it is indeed real labor. I thought if this is fake labor...someone is gonna die when I actually go into real labor. I honestly didn't think I was gonna make it through the next contraction. Since there was a small chance it was actually labor, I couldn't eat or drink, and since I had just taken Tylenol, they couldn't give me any pain medication. I just knew I was gonna die but no one would believe me.
My doctor finally got there around 8am, looked at the monitor, and decides she wants to wait another hour or so, and then check my cervix again. If nothing has changed, then we were gonna assume it was false labor and move on with our day, but if something had changed, I'd have an emergency c.section asap. Another hour? I swear that was the longest hour of my life. I walked, paced, cried, moaned, breathed, and got an IV stuck in my arm. I didn't know how to handle all this pain, plus all the emotions that started to hit me. Would she be okay? Would she be breathing? Would we both make it out alive? (don't laugh-this was an honest concern I had!) Would she be kicking and screaming? We knew there was a 99% chance she'd be rushed to the NICU as soon as she was born, but there was 1% that she could come out just fine. My day time nurse got there, and showed my husband some things he could do to help with the contractions, and I swear she was an angel. The pain never went away but the moves definitely helped make it more manageable. After the hour passed, they rechecked my cervix and it was now at 80% and my doctor looked at me, smiled, and said we're having a baby today! I could've hugged the woman! Pain meds were finally on their way, and I had hope I might actually make it out alive! They had me change into a gown, and my husband dressed up in the operating rooms fancy outfit.
Our nurse came in a few minutes later, and I had mentioned earlier that week that I hadn't gotten any maternity photos, so she wanted us to at least get a few bump photos, and off we went to the OR. Fear was starting to overtake me as I walked through those doors and into the operating room and saw everyone rushing about and getting things ready. They made my husband wait outside until they were ready, and I am so glad I got to pick my nurse that day because I know I wouldn't have made it without her. She was my saving grace that day. She reminded me that I can do this, that my baby girl would be fine and that we were both in great hands. She made me laugh and helped me not to stress about everything. They gave me an epidural, and laid me down on the bed, and I instantly got sick. My poor husband walks in, and holds the bucket for me. I was pretty sure he was gonna divorce me by the time this was over. My nurse tells me they're gonna start and pretty soon, the room goes quiet and everybody is just waiting till she's born. A few minutes later, I hear "she's here!" and a very faint cry. My heart broke; I knew right then, my baby girl was not fine and something was wrong. I started crying, and sent my husband over to where she was. I couldn't see anything but I wanted him to be able to see her and know what was going on. Nurses are running every which way, machines are turning on and off, and I still can't hear crying. The NICU doctor comes over and gently lets me know that my baby girl is having a really hard time breathing, and that her chances are not very good. I start crying, there's nothing I can do for her. I'm stuck here, I can't feel my body, and my baby girl is just feet away fighting for her life. My husband comes back over, sits down and gently grabs my hand. Tears run down our face as we wait for news.
Some of the nurses move aside, and I can barely see my daughter; she's deep blue, has tubes everywhere and is on a ton of machines. I can see their putting some tube down her throat, and my hands start to shake. I realize it's not my hands shaking, but my husbands, and he has sweat running down his face and he's is as white as a ghost. I hear him ask for something to drink, and my nurse runs over and makes him sit, while another nurse runs out of the room for juice. He starts getting sick and the only thing I can do is hold his hand. It was killing me to not be able to be there for the two people who needed me most. Someone later told us that we must really love each other because no matter what, we never let go of each others hands. The nurse brings him some juice, and he starts to look normal again. He stands back up and walks over to where our daughter is struggling for each and every breath. The doctors are trying to get her to focus..to get her attention but she just won't corporate. They had my husband get close and talk to her, and she immediately opens her eyes and looks at him.
Even though they needed to get her to the NICU, the doctor brought her over so I could see her for just a minute. As soon as I see her up close, I start crying. She's so small, and blue and there's tubes and wires and she looks so weak. There's nothing I can do, nothing at all. I reach out and grab her little hand, and pray she'll make it. They rush her off, and I have to wait till that evening before seeing her again. An hour goes by, and I'm wheeled back to my room to recover and wait for news on how she's doing. I tried to rest, but my body and mind was maxed. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't relax until I knew she was okay. The day passed slowly, and later that evening, they let us know that we can go see her, and we made our way down to where she was. Seeing her up close and personal was so hard. You could hardly see her due to the amount of tubes and wires that she was on. We cried and prayed that she would make it through the night. I was exhausted, and was taken back to the room to rest, while my husband stayed with her, and for the first time, I closed my eyes and slept. A little after midnight, my night nurse asked if I wanted to go see her, I was so exhausted and overwhelmed but needed to know she was okay so we walked down the hallway and as soon as I saw her, tears poured down my face. She was the most prefect little person ever, and I was called to be here mama. My heart was full.
She was in the NICU for over a month and since then has done amazing. We love having her home with us and can't wait to watch her grow into her own little person.
